Can i not drive my cunt home
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
