The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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