What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
