...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
