literally had 100 drinks last night.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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