I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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