too bad you live with your parents still
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
