Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
