it was like his penis was on wheels.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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