I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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