The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
