if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
