We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
