He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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