Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
