I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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