Are we in a gay sports bar?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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