We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
