I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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