Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
