Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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