I want to make a zoo with you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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