Don't make out with my wife yet
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My liver just had a heart attack.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
