I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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