my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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