The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
