I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize