I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize