Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
