Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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