Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
