their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
