no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
