I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
