I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
