That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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