im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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