There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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