there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
