All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
