I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
