I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
