She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
