Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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