This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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