you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
