I think I died a long time ago.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
