my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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