I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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