I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
