Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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