I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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