This is not my ceiling
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
