Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
