ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
