I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
