I think im going to throw up on grandma
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
