That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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