Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
