Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
