quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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